My name is Meg. I am a small animal general practitioner, and it has been something of a year. I think most of the world feels similarly.
At this time last year, I was one week away from a trip to Ireland. During that week, everything seemed to change. Shut downs began happening over there. We spent a couple of days driving around with two of my aunts, but we couldn’t really see many places because they had just closed to the public. People from home said they couldn’t find toilet paper or chicken at a reasonable price in the grocery store. My boyfriend’s phone started going off non-stop at 2 a.m. one night with messages telling us we had better get home RIGHT AWAY because the president had just announced a travel ban from Europe. That vacation feels like part of a different lifetime.
Since returning from Ireland, the veterinary practice I work in remains 100% curbside, with the exception of euthanasia appointments. We wear face masks every time we’re in public. Going to a store other than the grocery store or Home Depot seems crazy. (Not to say we haven’t stepped foot in other places a handful of times, but it just feels… strange.) We used to go out to eat about once a week; now we figure out how to make all kinds of delicious foods at home and order pizza or tacos when we just don’t feel like cooking. We took two staycations during the fall. I love my house, but I’m also sick of just being there when I’m not at work. Normally, we do a lot of hiking with our dogs, but for a time, we felt that we couldn’t because that’s all anyone could do/there was no way to avoid crowded trails except to not walk them.
Some work days, it seems that we can’t make any of our clients happy. We lost support staff earlier in the pandemic and can’t seem to replace them. We lost a doctor. Two of our doctors are working one less day each week than they used to. The hospital closed on Saturdays in April and has reduced hours during the week. Local emergency rooms are overrun. There is a never-ending stream of questions, requests, demands and complaints with an occasional comment of appreciation. Two of the support staff we managed to keep have required time off for their mental well-being. Our doctors that still work four days a week are just tired, fatigued and burned out with none of us feeling mentally, physically or emotionally able to see any more appointments in a given week. I often feel frazzled and as if I have forgotten to discuss something or relay a piece of information. I have felt worse at various times during this past year than I do right now, but I do sometimes wonder why I do this job.
My patients are often lovely, and I care deeply about the general well-being of animals. I enjoy medicine and especially look forward to surgery days. However, these are hard times in a field that often suffers from compassion fatigue, burn out and mental health issues, with a high suicide rate compared to the general population. (To clarify, I am not someone that entertains any ideas of suicide myself, but I know people who have and do. That does mean I do not experience days of sadness or anxiety related to my job or sometimes feel that I’d rather be any number of other places, simply not talking to anyone.)
In short, this blog is my attempt to remind myself why I do what I do. Animals are my life. They always have been. This job, being a veterinarian, is the only thing I ever wanted since I was a very young girl. Many veterinarians, if asked, would never recommend this field and would choose another profession for themselves if they had to do it all over again. I would tell you that you should be sure there is nothing else out there that you could be happy doing (and/or be independently wealthy) before committing to vet school, but I still don’t know what else I could or would or should personally do with my life.
I don’t know exactly where this blog will go with time. I expect that most of the stories shared will be my own, but if you know me, you may recognize yourself or your pets at times. Overall, I just hope to rediscover my path and to find ways to keep treating pets and giving them good quality lives while keeping my sanity.
Until next time, be well and may you find something beautiful in your every day.
